The Cold Outside
by John Burnside October 29, 2007
John Burnside (1955 – ) 蘇格蘭作家。他曾於劍橋文理學院研讀歐美思潮與文學。原擔任電腦軟體工程師,1996年後成為自由作家,目前於St Andrews大學教授創作、文學、生態學及美國詩。先後出版14本詩集和9本短篇小說選集,無論現代詩或短篇小說皆屢獲重要文學獎項。其2011年詩集Black Cat Bone同時獲頒T. S. Eliot 詩作獎及 Forward詩作獎。2013年出版最新短篇小說選集Something Like Happy亦有極高之文學評價。
When the cancer came back, I wasn’t surprised. I was upset1 for Caroline, knowing she’d have to be told eventually, and I was bothered about how Sall would take it, after last time2. I was even sorry for Malky, because finding reliable drivers was difficult, and he’d always been a good boss. Still, I wasn’t surprised, not when they told me. I’d been expecting something to go wrong since the summer, when Sall and I had talked about flying over to Montreal to see Caroline and meet her new boyfriend, then given up on the idea. Sall knew I was keen3, of course: Caroline had always been Daddy’s little girl, and, ever since she’d left, it had been an effort to hide how empty the house felt without her—an effort I’d sometimes failed to make. Sall probably knew as well as I did that I was on borrowed time4, so to begin with she had gone through all the motions5 of planning the trip, but then she’d started talking about how expensive it was and how tiring it would be for me, having to drive over to Glasgow, then sit on the plane for seven hours, and then, after all that, there was immigration and customs, which took forever6. The way she spoke, it was as if she’d made the journey herself, but she hadn’t. She’d never even left Scotland, and all that talk about the Montreal customs was just stuff she’d picked up from Caroline, who’d been back three times in the six years since she got the job in Montreal. Not long before her last visit, though, she had met this new boyfriend and had started making a big thing about7 how it was our turn to go over there.