Ash
by Roddy Doyle May 24, 2010
Roddy Doyle (1958 – )愛爾蘭小說作家、戲劇作家、電影編劇。已出版10本小說、7本童書、7個電視影集劇本還有許多短篇小說。他的幾本作品拍成電影十分叫座，1993年以小說Paddy Clarke Ha Ha Ha.（中譯：童年往事）奪下曼‧布克獎（the Man Booker Prize），被譽為愛爾蘭當代最傑出小說家。以哈利‧波特系列出名的女作家ＪＫ‧羅琳在接受亞馬遜網路書店專訪時提到活著的作家當中，她最喜歡Roddy Doyle。
Roddy Doyle的創作一般取材於都柏林的市井生活，通過描寫小人物的悲歡離合，來反映社會的變遷。他在作品當中大量使用俚語及愛爾蘭式英語的對話，且擅長用戲謔的筆調製造黑色幽默效果，採用非情節化的敘述結構，顯現魔幻現實的獨特手法。他使用文字及方言深具個人獨特風格與魅力，近年來獲得極高評價與矚目。
We’ll still be friends, she said.
—Grand1, he answered, and then he was walking down a street by himself, before he fully understood what had happened. He knew the street, although not very well. He wasn’t sure why he was there, why they’d gone over to this part of the city. His wife had just told him she was leaving him. Or he was leaving her. One or the other.
And they’d still be friends.
Grand.
He made it home. He got the Dart 2, figured out how to get a one-way ticket out of the vending machine at the station. He’d left the car for his wife. She wasn’t there when he got in. He paid the babysitter.
Later, Ciara came home. And she was all over him3. She climbed onto him and cried as she came.
—I’m so, so sorry.
And that was that, he thought, if it had ever been anything in the first place. He didn’t want to ask her if she’d actually told him that she was leaving him. He knew she had. It didn’t matter.
1. grand=great
2. the Dart都柏林捷運系統，全名為The Dublin Area Rapid Transit (DART)。
3. 指她整個人趴在他身上
—You’ll be fine, she said, after she’d kissed his stomach and lay tucked in beside him. He’d passed a test, or something4. He was delighted. She was gone in the morning.
He went to work. The house was empty when he got home after collecting the girls. He thought, This is it, this is me. I live alone. With the kids. She’d taken nothing. The bedroom was exactly the same. Her book was still beside the bed.
She came in very late. He wasn’t sure—he didn’t know—if she’d changed her mind or if she’d just come home later than usual. She was drunk—he didn’t ask. She rode5 him again, said nothing about being sorry this time. She didn’t cry.
Then she was gone again.
He put Erica and Wanda to bed again the next night, made them brush their teeth, read a story to them. “Kipper’s Toybox,6” twice.
—Where’s Mammy?
—Work.
—Poor Mammy.
—Yeah.
He turned off their light and made sure their bedroom door was open exactly as wide as they wanted it.
—More.
—No, stop.
—More.
He went downstairs. Ciara didn’t come in. He put the mobile phone beside him, on the arm of the chair. He watched telly7. He slept. She didn’t phone. He went up to the bed. He turned off the light.
4. 他以為老婆是在考驗他或開玩笑什麼的。
5. ride： to be "on top" during sex做愛時，女方居上男方處下。
6. Kipper’s Toybox英國作家Mick Inkpen於2008年5月出版的兒童書。
7. telly ：Brit short for television電視的縮寫。
He woke up. She wasn’t there. Three in the morning. And she wasn’t downstairs. He went back up to the bed but he didn’t sleep. He went down to the kitchen again. He accepted it as he put the coffee on the hob8: She’s left me.
You think she has? said his brother, Mick.
—Yeah.
—You think? said Mick.
They were in the kitchen.
—Yeah.
—Well, like9. Did she actually tell you she was leaving?
—Yeah, he said. I think so.
—You fuckin’ think so? Jesus, Kev, you can fuckin’ do better than that 10.
—She told me.
—Grand. And what happened then?
—She rode the arse off me.
—Strange, said Mick. But it makes sense, too. The long goodbye. The ride of the guilty11. You’ve heard of it.
—No.
—It’s brilliant, said Mick. I recommend it. What happened then?
—I think she went to work.
—Is she riding anyone else?
The question shocked him. Although it shouldn’t have. It annoyed him, the invasion12. And frightened him.
8. hob (壁爐一側的)鍋架，開水壺架。
9. like：這裡當副詞使用，一種非正式口語用法，用來強調或停頓下想想接著要說什麼。
10. you can do better than that：Try again sucka! or Hot way of telling someone their idea sucked. Mick 對Kevin說：你他媽的想是這樣的？天啊，凱文，你能不能他媽的再仔細想一想。（只差沒說出：“你這個豬腦袋！”）
11. 前句Kevin 說她操得我屁股開花。Mick說：奇怪，但也滿合理的。漫長的道別，因為她覺得對你感到內疚，所以用親熱來補償你。
12. 指他們之間有第三者介入。
—I don’t think so, he said.
—Think again.
—As far as I know.
—O.K.
—How would I know?
—Well, said Mick. She might have told you.
—No.
—Sure?
—Yeah. I think so—no—yeah.
—O.K., said Mick. Credit-card statements. 13
—Hang on, said Kevin. It’s the man who always gets caught because of his credit card. Am I right?
Mick shrugged.
—Does she have her own card?
—Yeah, said Kevin. Course.
—So, let’s have a gawk14. It can do no harm.
Kevin was starting to dislike his brother, but this wasn’t a new feeling.
—No, he said.
Mick shrugged again. He was a cunt for the shrugging. 15
—O.K., he said.
He stood up. He had to go to their mother’s. 16
13. 信用卡帳單上頭有消費明細，記載在什麼地方消費什麼東西。
14. 在愛爾蘭這個字gawk為staring的意思：瞧瞧。
15. cunt：Offensive slang a mean or obnoxious person. 令人憎厭的人。（他們在通電話，Kevin怎麼看得到Mick聳肩這個動作，顯然敘述觀點在這裡改為第三者全知觀點，作者消遣Mick一下。）
16. their mother’s：他們媽媽的住家。
—She’s complaining about the jacks. 17
—She’s always complaining.
—Ah, she’s not the worst, said Mick. It won’t turn off properly, or something.
—The toilet?
—Yeah, said Mick. She says it sounds like the cistern is talking to her when she’s downstairs and it’s upstairs. 18
—It’s always upstairs. It’s attached to the fuckin’ wall.
—You’re becoming a very bitter little man, Kev. 19
—Fuck off, Mick.
—This is me fucking off, said Mick as he walked to the back door. Away, to have a chat with our mother’s toilet. What a fuckin’ life. Good luck.
Kevin took out the accordion file20 where they kept the bank statements, the insurance stuff, birth certificates, and all the other crap they were supposed to keep. It was in the wardrobe, at the back, behind her shoes and boots, a heap of the things.
He sat on the bed and held one of her high heels as he looked at a recent statement. He put the page on a pillow, propped a bit, and he read it from a distance. He didn’t really read it—you couldn’t read a bank statement. He gave it a quick look; he glanced down the page.
—Why are you holding Mammy’s shoe?
It was Erica, the younger one.
—What makes you think it’s Mammy’s shoe?
He hadn’t a clue why he’d said that.
—It is, said Erica.
—You’re right, said Kevin. It was on the floor. Do you want to put it back?
17. the jacks：愛爾蘭俚語指廁所。
18. cistern指馬桶的貯水槽。沖馬桶的貯水槽壞了，水關不掉。他媽媽說聽起來就像她在樓下，而貯水槽在樓上跟她說話。
19. bitter 形容充滿怨恨，little形容令人不齒、卑鄙、討人厭。
20. accordion file折疊式資料夾。crap原先指屎，這裡是說其他所有沒有用的東西。
—Can I, like, wear them?
—Yeah, all right.
—Can Wanda?
—Yeah.
—Wanda!
He left the girls in the bedroom lining up the shoes.
—Where’s Mammy?
—Work.
—Poor Mammy.
—That’s right.
—Always working.
—Now you’re talking. 21
He went downstairs.
—Nothing, he said, when Mick answered his mobile.
—What?
—I looked. There’s nothing on the credit-card statement.
—Nothing incriminating, no? 22
—Jesus, Mick, take it easy. 23
—Well, said Mick. What were you looking for?
—I don’t know, said Kevin.
He was regretting he’d called Mick now. Big time24. But he’d had to.
21. Now you’re talking 口語說法：表示對方講得很有道理；或者是當對方提議，你認為這個主意不錯。例句："Would you like pizza for dinner?" "Now you're talking!"
他跟女兒的相同對話在前頭出現過一次，大人唬弄小孩的口吻維妙維肖。
22. incriminate：to cause to appear guilty of a crime or fault. Mick問Kevin有沒有找到他老婆的犯罪證據。
23. take it easy 是叫對方別那麼興奮。
24. Big time：very much. 他現在開始後悔打電話給Mick，而且是非常後悔。
—A name or something, he said.
—A name? said Mick. What name? D’you think she’s paying whoever she’s having the affair with? 25
—No. What affair?
—Or it’s a rent boy26 or something? She has to pay someone to—
—No. Fuck off.
—Any restaurants?
—No.
—Hotels?
—No.
—He’s paying, so.
—Who?
—The rent boy.
—Fuck off, Mick.
—Stranger things have happened, man. People go off the rails27 in times of recession. Especially women.
—What are you on about? 28
—The moral compass29, man, said Mick. They try to ride the fuckin’ thing.
—Good night.
25. have the affair with someone：跟某人搞外遇。
26. a rent boy指男妓、午夜牛郎。
27. go off the rails 行為開始出現異常，尤其是社會所不容許的偏差行為。這裡暗指搞外遇。
28. What are you on about 你到底是想要說些什麼？
29. moral compass：a natural feeling that makes people know what is right and wrong and how they should behave 類似孟子所說人生有良知良能。
Mick texted him. 30
Hav u foned hr?
No.
Wy not?
He phoned Mick.
—Because I’m frightened.
—O.K., said Mick. I’m with you. 31
Mick wasn’t the worst, Kevin thought.
—What would you do? he asked.
—Well, look it, man, said Mick. Just to remind you. I live in a poxy one-room flat because I had a short, meaningless fling with my son’s religion-and-civics teacher32, who gave him a note to give to me and he—and I love my son, I blame only myself—he gave the note to his mother instead. Who read it, and it said—
—I know.
—You can do it to me that way next time. 33
—I know, sorry.
—Ten words that shook the fuckin’ world.
They were enjoying themselves. 34
30. text傳簡訊。Hav u foned hr?=Have you phoned her? Wy not?=Why not?
31. I’m with you我挺你。
32. poxy：inferior quality or cheap. fling：A brief sexual or romantic relationship.
Mick現在住在一間爛公寓（被趕出家門），因為他跟兒子的公民與道德老師亂搞，老師叫兒子傳張紙條給他，兒子卻交給了他媽媽。
33. You can do it to me that way next time 這十個字是公民與道德老師寫在紙條上的內容，意思是叫Mick再去搞她。這十個字可把Mick家搞得天翻地覆。
34. 這對難兄難弟聊著聊著，可就快活起來。
他們兄弟間的對話加上作者全知觀點的短評（例如：凱文開始討厭起他兄弟，這不可是現在才有這種感覺；Mick可真是個愛聳肩的王八蛋；Kevin開始後悔打電話給Mick；Kevin覺得Mick還不是挺糟的），讓整篇故事精彩、生動萬分，而且對話也活靈活現地顯露他們兩人的性格。
—And you want to know what I’d do if I was in your position?
—Yeah, said Kevin. I do.
—Grand, said Mick. I haven’t a clue.
—Good night, Mick.
—Go a bit mad. 35
—Thanks.
—You asked.
—How?
—How what?
—How would I go mad?
—Wife swapping.
—I’d need a wife.
—True.
—Good night, Mick.
—Let me work on it. 36
—Good night.
—I’ll get back to you.
—O.K.
35. Kevin要掛電話的時候，Mick突然跟他說了一句：「你應該去瘋一下。」
Kevin一時之間會意不過來，只用一句“謝了”敷衍過去。
Mick可不死心，於是再接著說：「你剛剛問過我的。」剛剛Kevin問了Mick什麼？原先Mick說：「你想不想知道，現在我如果是你的話，我會怎麼做？」Kevin說：「是呀，我倒想知道。」這時Mick反而說：「非常好，可是我也不知道會怎麼做。」真是痞子式的答話，但下一秒他可又有餿主意：「你應該去瘋一下。」
36. Let me work on it讓我好好籌劃一下。
I’ll get back to you.我回頭再跟你說。
He went to his room—their room—and started throwing the shoes back into the wardrobe.
—Excuse me!
It was Erica.
—We’re, like, trying to sleep in here!
—Yeah!
—Sorry.
He got down on his knees and put the shoes and boots away, quietly. He piled them. The wardrobe door swung slowly toward him, and with it the full-length mirror. He looked, and saw nothing. He wasn’t there. He pushed the door back slightly. And there he was. 37
He got into bed. He phoned her. Her voicemail was gone. It was the automated voice, the Vodafone woman, telling him to leave a message. He had nothing ready and he couldn’t think of anything he wanted to say out loud—The kids miss you; I miss you; Where the fuck are you, you stupid mad bitch of a cunt? 38—so he said nothing.
Mick texted.
Jcksns, snday.
Jackson’s39 was a pub near Mick’s place. It was an ordinary pub six nights a week but on Sundays, according to Mick, it changed. It filled up with men—n wmn40—of a certain age, who were no longer married or had never been married.
—People like you.
—Exactly, said Mick.
37. 衣櫥門背面是一整面的鏡子。靠向Kevin時，因為角度的關係，Kevin看不到任何東西，看不到他自己。當他輕輕把門推回去，他看見自己在鏡子裡。這一段是有什麼象徵意謂？
38. 斜體字這一段是他心裡的話，哀求、思念、憤怒，夾雜各種情緒。
39. 人名形成所有格代表餐廳名字。Jackson’s是Mick住處附近的一家酒吧。
40. n wmn= and women這個應該是Mick的口吻，故意講不清楚，語帶曖昧、暗示。
—And that’s going wild, is it? said Kevin. Going to a pub full of Micks41?
They were laughing.
—Works for me, said Mick. No one goes home empty-handed.
—Lovely, said Kevin. I can’t wait.
—I’m telling yeh, man, said Kevin.42 I went home the last time with fifty-seven-year-old twins.
—Oh, Jesus.
—Combined age, one hundred and fourteen.
—Good night, Mick.
—Next Sunday, so.
—No, fuck off. I’ll think about it.
—Do that. 43
—Good night.
He did think about it. Sunday was four days away. He’d need a babysitter. The young one from next door. Grace. The girls loved her. He could only stay out till eleven, because Grace would have school on Monday. That would give him two hours in Jackson’s. Two hours of abandonment.44 Then he’d have to come home. He’d come into the house and pay Grace, while Mick’s twins hid behind the car till the coast was clear.45 Or he could sneak them up the stairs then go back down to pay Grace and send her home. Or he’d sneak them up the stairs—they’d be pissed46 and too skinny and giggling—into the bedroom, and Ciara would be in the bed, waiting for him. He’d sneak them up the stairs, send Grace home, then stand at the bottom of the stairs, all night, till he could go to work. He’d sneak them up the stairs, and—he could see this now; he groaned—they’d go into the wrong room and wake Erica and Wanda. Oops! Or, he’d go to Jackson’s, have three pints, and come home. Mad. 47
41. Micks指類似Mick這種人。
42. 此處為紐約客雜誌刊載時的誤植，這句說話的人應該是Mick。
43. Mick約他下個星期天去Jackson’s酒吧。Kevin說再考慮看看。Mick說Do that的意思是叫他確實好好考慮看看。
44. abandonment 恣意放縱，放浪形骸。
45. the coast is clear：道路暢通無阻；沿途無危險或障礙。
46. pissed：(英國用語)酒醉。
47. 這段是Kevin真的在考慮及想像如果去酒吧的幾種可能情形。(1) 需要個臨時來照顧孩子的保姆。(2)他只能在傑克遜待上兩個小時，然後回家。(3)將Mick的雙胞胎藏在車後直到沒有被發現的危險。(4)他能偷偷將他們帶到樓上。(5) 他能偷偷將他們帶到樓上臥室，結果Ciara在床上等他。(6)他會偷偷把他們帶到樓上，然後整夜站在樓梯底端，直到隔天去上班。(7)他偷偷把他們帶到樓上，結果走錯房間，驚醒兩個女兒。(7)或者到酒吧喝上三品脫的酒，然後回家。這一段Kevin的思緒不是很清楚，符合想偷吃又怕出錯的心境。
Wild.
It wasn’t funny.
He’d stop at the chipper49 on the way home.
It wasn’t funny.
He wasn’t going anywhere on Sunday. Mick and his fuckin’ twins.
He woke before Ciara got into the bed.
—Hi, she said.
—Hi.
—I don’t want to have sex with you.
—Fine.
She climbed in. He didn’t have to move. He was lying on his side of the bed. She lay back, and turned. She put her hand on his shoulder. She patted it—he thought she did. He felt her breath. He could smell it. No wine or anything—just toothpaste. He was asleep before her—he thought he was. And she was there when he woke.
She came into the kitchen. The girls were still asleep. They’ll be delighted to see you. It was business as usual, although they managed to avoid touching or looking at one another. So are you back, or what? She cleared the old plates off the table. She got a cloth from the sink, wiped the table, and put four bowls and four spoons on the placemats.
—We’ll have to talk, she said.
49. chipper(愛爾蘭用語)賣炸魚排加炸薯條的店。
He chopped a banana, to put on top of the girls’ cornflakes.
—O.K., he said.
About what?
He threw the banana’s brown skin in the bin, so the girls wouldn’t see it and object. He looked, but Ciara wasn’t in the kitchen.
She’d gone up to wake the girls. He could hear the squeals. He didn’t want to hear them laughing; she didn’t deserve them—he didn’t want to think that. He turned on the radio, to get the news. He was bang-on50, half-seven. He actually listened. He ran to the hall.
—Come down, quick!
—Why?
—The news! Come on!
They all sat in front of the telly and watched the Icelandic volcano erupting.
—Amazing.
They looked at the cloud as it grew and curled.
—It’s all ash, he told them.
—What’s ash?
Erica’s question—it was one of those brilliant moments. Kevin and Ciara looked at each other. They smiled. There were no coal fires in the house and neither of them had ever smoked. The cooker was electric. Nothing was ever burned. There was no real religion, at home or in school, so Erica had never noticed the gray thumbprints on Ash Wednesday51, on the foreheads of the old and the Polish. A child like Erica could get this far without knowing what ash was, until she saw it spewing from a mountain.
—It’s like dust, he said. Burnt.
—What burnt?
50. bang-on：(英國俚語)剛剛好;十分準確。 half-seven (英國用法)= half past seven= 07:30。
51. Ash Wednesday聖灰日也是大齋期(Lent)的第一天。大齋首日一定是禮拜三，因為耶穌是在禮拜三被賣的。當天教會會舉行塗灰禮，要把去年棕枝主日祝聖過的棕枝燒成灰，在崇拜中塗在教友的額頭上，作為悔改的象徵。。
—Stone, I think. I’m not sure.
—Stone?
—I think so.
—You, like, can’t burn stone.
—If it’s hot enough, you can. Lava.
—It’s scary.
—It’s only a cloud.
They sat and watched, and ate, and gathered the expertise. Ash killed planes; it attached itself to the turbine section of the engines. 52
It was an act of God.
—What’s that?
—Nature.
It had nothing to do with climate change or the economy. No one was to blame. All flights in and out of Ireland, in and out of Europe and everywhere, were cancelled. The airports were crowded and shut. There was no escape. 53
—Does that mean there’ll never be any more planes?
—No, said Kevin. It doesn’t.
He looked at Ciara.
—It’s just for a while. Things will get back to normal when the ash drifts away. Or falls.
—Falls?
—Yeah.
—Will it hurt?
—No, said Ciara. It won’t. ♦ 54
52. 他們一面吃早餐一面看電視，電視中專家評論：火山灰會附著於飛機渦輪引擎而毀掉飛機。
53. 冰島艾雅法拉火山爆發(2010年3、4月)，釋放大量氣體與火山灰，導致愛爾蘭及歐洲各地航班取消，機場關閉。There was no escape 是在暗指Ciara無法搭機離去？
54. 小孩問落下來的火山灰會傷人嗎？Ciara回答：不會。她是在安慰女兒還是在寬慰自己？
【淺嚐賞味】
故事破題乾脆俐落：「我們還會是朋友。」主角Kevin簡短說一個字：「好，」然後獨自轉身離去。他並非灑脫，只是搞不清楚狀況，倖想這一切不是真的，老婆能夠留下來。渾渾噩噩、吊兒郎當，他唯一做的嘗試與努力就是找老哥Mick諮商，卻又插科打葷胡謅扯蛋，甚至把正事都拋到腦後。Kevin害怕跟老婆將事情弄個清楚，只想苟且逃避。這就是他的性格與人生態度，難保在真實的婚姻生活中不搞砸出包，偏又渾然不知。故事中有一幕，Kevin要將鞋和靴子放回衣櫥，衣櫥門背面一整面鏡子靠向Kevin時，「他什麼也沒看到。他不在那裡。他輕輕把門推回去。他在那裡了。」鏡子中的自我影像就是looking-glass self，是社會人際互動中別人對我的觀感評價，在此並非套用社會心理學家Charles Horton Cooley的理論，只是比喻Kevin看不見在人際互動中的自我形象，他老婆提分手將原本親密的人際關係推開，他就能看清自己了嗎？令人懷疑。
Ciara很清楚為何要離婚，故事裡沒明說，我們只看到Ciara的痛苦與煎熬。說分手那晚Ciara回來後，哭著說對不起，還瘋狂做愛，顯示心中仍有不捨、依戀與愧疚。第二天Ciara很晚才回家，喝醉了，再度與他做愛，卻什麼也沒說也沒哭，借酒與性麻醉。第三天和第四天晚上她都沒回來，想必已決心離去。直到第五天凌晨Ciara才又出現，沒有酒味什麼的——只是牙膏味。後頭提及機場因火山灰而封閉，無路可逃(There was no escape)，似乎暗示她沒能走成。這時，Ciara說：「我們得談談。」Kevin依舊漫不經心地應道︰「好啊。」心裡卻在嘀咕要談些什麼鬼。
他們之間到底出了什麼問題？我們還是不清楚。作者如何安排故事哪些部分清楚明白，又隱藏哪些部份，而哪些要讀者前後尋思才有所瞭悟，甚至哪些是某故事人物知悉但其他人物卻毫無頭緒，凡此等等皆會影響戲劇張力與閱讀樂趣。讀者循著故事的線索去做合理的推敲與鑑賞，依據Kevin及Ciara的性格與心境，對照後頭電視報導火山爆發，小女兒Erica提出的問題以及Kevin、Ciara的回答，他們之間的問題呈現一種解讀的輪廓。縱使婚姻原本固若磐石，當溫度燒得夠高夠久，石頭也會熔化成岩漿。若火山爆發比喻決定分手，那麼經年累月蓄積的生活磨擦、委屈、壓力與不快樂就是那熔化石頭的地熱。對於人生從來不認真的Kevin不以為意，認為火山爆發後灰飛煙滅就沒事了。Erica再追問：「火山灰會傷人嗎？」，這次反而是Ciara跳出來回答說：「不會的。」恐怕她最後還是會選擇離去，女兒不會因此傷心嗎？Ciara是在自欺欺人，還是在寬慰自己的愧疚感？
故事的主題、意義、象徵可能蘊含什麼微言宏旨，或許提供、引導讀者去思索某些生命經驗或課題，但我們不會因為這些東西就受到感動。作品能讓讀者感動的自有他物。就此而論，這篇故事精彩無比的對話，毫無疑問是特殊的亮點。本篇故事的敘事(narration)基本上採主角Kevin的觀點(point of view)和他的心裡話，偶有幾句對於外在事物的客觀描述。比較獨特的是在Kevin與Mick對話時，作者數度跳出來用全知的觀點加以眉批點評，除了將滑稽嬉鬧的氣氛推波助瀾外，也可感覺作者有意在消遣、戲謔故事中的人物。此技巧拿捏得還算精準，若用得再多一些，閱讀起來便會覺得膩、覺得煩。
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